


On Reflection and in Hindsight

by Revakah



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Body Modification, Lysatran stories about the Chiss, M/M, author abandons existing headcanons for angst purposes, surgical physical alterations- not explicitly described
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24239020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revakah/pseuds/Revakah
Summary: The Empire only tolerates aliens when they are useful. Prefers them to be as near-human as possible.The Ascendancy is aware of this.
Relationships: Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 28
Kudos: 60





	On Reflection and in Hindsight

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the book Under the Skin- I've added an explanation for the body modification and surgery tags in the end note. Nothing is explicitly described and there's no actual gore or anything- but take care 💙
> 
> Edit: Some behind-the-scenes details on Tumblr- https://revakah.tumblr.com/post/618579528553496576/trivia-tuesday

In hindsight, Eli can’t believe he never noticed anything wrong.

Thrawn had always been so controlled ever since their first encounter, no nerves, just faintly amused interest as he watched the humans eying him warily. Eli had always suspected that the Chiss was learning far more about humans than they were about him. The only time he had looked taken aback was when Eli had commented on how his appearance was more human than the old Lysatran tales had made him expect. Thrawn had tensed, and Eli’s half-laughed explanation had trailed into embarrassed silence. He hadn’t intended to be rude, hadn’t meant anything by it; but he never mentioned it again.

The only time he had seen Thrawn lose his composure was when they had arrived at their room in the Academy. Eli had been sorting through his own belongings when he was startled by a sudden hiss, and had looked up to see the Chiss staring into the adjoining ‘fresher and looking...panicked?

It had seemed so absurd that Eli had laughed, he hadn’t even asked about one particular local tradition after the first few stories about the Chiss had been so completely wrong. 

Later, Eli would recall how Thrawn’s left hand had twitched, almost as though he wanted to reach up towards his own face. The benefits of hindsight.

As it was, Thrawn had just looked at him blankly while Eli told him about the superstition back home of keeping a mirror near the door to keep evil away; thanks to an old legend about one particularly vicious and vain Chiss who had preyed on the people of Lysatra. He had only been stopped when one brave youth had shown him his reflection and had slain him while he was enraptured. The tension had started to bleed from Thrawn’s shoulders during the telling, and was completely gone by the time that Thrawn had archly informed him that “vanity is hardly a Chiss concern.”

Time had passed, and the awkwardness between them had given way to friendship. Friendship had deepened into something  _ more _ , both of them learning ever more about the other. Thrawn liked when Eli ran his fingers through his hair, liked exchanging lazy kisses, liked when Eli rested his head against Thrawn’s shoulder. Thrawn tensed when Eli kissed his jaw, flinched when he had run one finger around the curve of Thrawn’s ear, and had gone quiet when Eli’s foot had brushed against one of the faded scars that twined around his legs. He had claimed it was nothing- and Eli had accepted that he didn’t want to talk about it, hadn’t wanted to push.

In hindsight...

He had put Thrawn’s odd mood the night before he left for the Ascendancy down to their imminent parting, or the seriousness of the situation, or even homesickness. He had abandoned his usual preference for dim lights and had touched Eli reverently, as though trying to commit every part of him fully to memory. 

As though he would never see him again. 

Eli had been unsure about why Thrawn was so  _ certain _ , the Chiss had already disclosed the truth of his “exile” so he knew it wasn’t impossible that they could reunite one day. Perhaps Thrawn was sure he was now too enmeshed in the Imperial navy to leave, and Eli had decided it didn’t matter. Had simply held Thrawn close the way they both loved. Had left him the next morning as though nothing was wrong.

But now that he was in the Ascendancy.... 

He understood Thrawn’s insistence on only teaching him the variant of Cheunh used by the military- all Chiss knew it, he had said, and he had explained that there were certain nuances of the more formal variant that did not translate well over the comms. He had not explained that those nuances included the flick of an ear, the display of fangs or raised fur. 

How  could he have explained, when he no longer had any way of demonstrating. 

Syndic Mitth’ras’safis and Admiral Ar’alani had requested a meeting to get a fuller picture of Thrawn’s time in the Empire. He also suspected that they knew that his own interest in Thrawn’s well-being was more than just professional, but neither seemed to care. Mitth’ras’safis was there purely because of the family connection anyway. 

He had referred to Thrawn as his brother, and Eli’s curiosity finally forced him to ask the question that had bothered him since he had first seen Ar’alani over the holocomm.

“Was... was Thrawn sent to the Empire because he’s part human?”

_**"No."** _

The syndic had spun away from him with a hiss, his jaw tensing and hands flexing as he fought to regain his composure. Ar’alani was outwardly more calm, but her ears were still pinned back as she explained.

The Ascendancy’s intelligence agencies had determined that the Grysk posed enough of a threat to require alien assistance. Those agencies had been watching the Republic and then the Empire for years using multiple sources. Intelligence had deemed that the best voice would be one...exotic enough to convince the Empire that they had come from somewhere truly unknown. But they had to be human enough to gain an audience. To be worth listening to. To have any value at all.

Thrawn had already been stripped of his rank for his complete and utter disregard for Chiss military doctrine and had been given a choice: Exile in truth; or serve the Ascendancy and keep his name by “volunteering”. 

He would have given everything for his people, so it was never a choice at all.

So they had  _ changed _ him.

His jaw. His teeth, The bones and muscles of his legs. His skin and hair. Cut apart and stitched together, broken down and built back up into something much more palatable to the Empire and sent off as a tool for his people. Forever altered. 

Having now met the syndic, Eli understood just how much.

Eli had noted the subtle similarities in their stances, their poise, but the resemblance had been blurred by the thick layer of velvet fur. The sharper lines of the syndic’s jaw and the elegant points of his ears. 

So very unlike his twin.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading 💙
> 
> The tags for body modification & surgical alteration relate to Thrawn being changed to look more human. In Under the Skin an alien is changed so that she can pass as human to hunt human men for meat- that's not happening here!
> 
> (I actually imagine Thrass as the older sibling by at least a couple of years- but it hurt more for them to be twins here)


End file.
